The Mother in Law
I will probably miss my Mother in Law
I’ve missed her twice before
My eyes aren’t what they used to be
And my rifle’s not full bore
She’s got more lives than our dead cat
I don’t know how she does it
I swear she hides a book of spells
Deep down her double gusset
I’m pretty hot at cooking
And I know she likes my food
So I made mushroom risotto
With toadstools from the wood
On my life I heard her groaning
Was she rolling round in pain?
Then she asked for second helpings
And I knew I’d failed again
My next attempt’s on Tuesday
We’re flying Ryan Air
She’s going on a holiday
I’ve packed a bag for her
I’m renowned for being cautious
And I know it isn’t cricket
So just in case she can’t get back
A fully refundable ticket
I know this time I will succeed
‘Cos I’ve even paid her fare
Our destination’s Switzerland
She said she’d like it there
I know a place that tops them all
If you’ll please excuse the pun
I’m sure she’ll be delighted
With her cocktail made for one
So wish me luck this time around
And with determination (best not to use a Carribbean accent for this line)
The secret of the perfect act
Is in the preparation
I’m working on the speech right now
To celebrate her wealth
“Dear Mother in Law, please raise your glass,
I’d like to toast your health”
Noam Bishon
